An Avowed Cyclist

"He likes the waves of self-righteousness that course down his spine as he pedals through clogged streets on his bike" - Killian Doyle. It's exactly how I feel when I cycle!

Also, I got stung by a bee in the head earlier. I asked at the front desk for some sting/burn cream, and the guy said "The country as big as it is, and he had to hit you in the head!" Wonderful!

The past two years...

I've lost my ability to think analytically. I've lost a portion of my eyesight, making me ever further myopic. My memory and concentration have both degraded significantly. I lost too much money through gambling. I managed to sustain a medium-distance relationship over ten months, then it fell apart when we lived in the same city again. I felt more isolated and alone than I ever have before in my life. I've suffered from depression and anxiety, seen a counsellor, taken a course of Xanax. I kissed a friend that I shouldn't have, and didn't kiss one that I should. I drank my way through half of February and most of March. I had to spend one weekend minding thirty children by myself. I had root canal treatment. I realised too many of my friends are self-centred people.

I discovered who my real friends are. I achieved a Masters qualification (touch wood). I watched and listened to Leonard Cohen play two magical concerts. I didn't drink for just about all of April. I've been to Cork, Cavan, Sligo, Wexford, Louth, Galway, Meath, Inis Mor, Donegal, Clare. I met some amazing people, and befriended many. I travelled around Wales and Cornwall, visited London and Edinburgh several times. I've had two friends get engaged, and two get married. I heard Regina Spektor, Iron and Wine, and Tom McRae all make wonderful music. I holidayed in northern Spain and southern Germany. I cycled across the country, twice. I spent six months getting top-level experience in an ISP. I heard Henry Rollins rant and preach, up close. Thirty kids made my life a richer, more joyful experience. My family are all in good health, and my friends are the greatest people on this planet.

And I sit back and wonder, how much of this could I have done differently? How much would I really want to?

Props to Weng Weng

This is what 2.0 means

From indexed.

My hands

 

They're HUGE!!

Where I sit

 

Between stints in the library, I rest my back against a bench beside the lake. I read a book, and sip on a latte, or gulp a cup of tea. It's peaceful at the end me the summer, with nobody but the fulltime staff and the repeaters around.

tumblr

I must get myself one of these actually. But for now, it's yet another tool with which to stalk Graham Linehan online.

Graham's tumblr

If you haven't already, check out his blog at "Why, That's Delightful!"

Can't Sleep

I've always had trouble sleeping, ever since I was young. Well, not so much trouble as no desire. Fond memories of reading under the covers with a torch. I even recall setting up an old black and white television, I think Féile was being broadcast at the time. My mother would despair at my nocturnal behaviour, feeding me warm milk, giving me boring books to read, but it never really worked. All through my teens, into my college years - then it became an advantage, being able to stay awake 'til all hours, studying and coding. Some nights I never left the lab.

But now... now as I try to adjust to a 9-5 lifestyle, it's hampering me. I want to sleep, I need to sleep, but my brain has never learned how to shut down at night. It keeps ticking over, making lists, regurgitating old faces, running through the day. Activity that once kept my mind sharp, but now just tires me. I remember days when I could keep reams of information in my head, when I was working on an essay and I could let my subconscious sieve through all the material, and my conscious would just write it. Now it's straight from the reference to my page. I paraphrase, hoping to disguise it, hide my lack of originality. Occasional bursts of inspiration flow out of me, compensating.

Two weeks. In two weeks I won't have to worry about not sleeping anymore. I can do all my sleeping in the day time. Just wait two weeks brain, and you can run all night. But for now, I need a stand by mode.