I've always had trouble sleeping, ever since I was young. Well, not so much trouble as no desire. Fond memories of reading under the covers with a torch. I even recall setting up an old black and white television, I think Féile was being broadcast at the time. My mother would despair at my nocturnal behaviour, feeding me warm milk, giving me boring books to read, but it never really worked. All through my teens, into my college years - then it became an advantage, being able to stay awake 'til all hours, studying and coding. Some nights I never left the lab.
But now... now as I try to adjust to a 9-5 lifestyle, it's hampering me. I want to sleep, I need to sleep, but my brain has never learned how to shut down at night. It keeps ticking over, making lists, regurgitating old faces, running through the day. Activity that once kept my mind sharp, but now just tires me. I remember days when I could keep reams of information in my head, when I was working on an essay and I could let my subconscious sieve through all the material, and my conscious would just write it. Now it's straight from the reference to my page. I paraphrase, hoping to disguise it, hide my lack of originality. Occasional bursts of inspiration flow out of me, compensating.
Two weeks. In two weeks I won't have to worry about not sleeping anymore. I can do all my sleeping in the day time. Just wait two weeks brain, and you can run all night. But for now, I need a stand by mode.
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