Sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions, filling my days with activities and socialising so that I don't have a chance to stop and think, to realise and confront that loneliness which dwells within.
I've become so argumentative about hypothetical relationships, about possibilities. Pessimistic on behalf of others. I've given up looking, to give myself an excuse? Or once bitten...? Am I self-sabotaging, or just insecure?
I dreamt of my own death last night, falling into the sea, accepting my fate, and whatever comes next... the darkness of oblivion. It was welcome in the dream, like a new adventure, an exploration of the great beyond.
Maybe I just miss the excitement of travelling, everyone is settling down, and dragging me with them. Can I afford a comfortable home life while still getting away? Definitely need to get that promotion. Need to get my head right, make a list and cross it off. A place of own? A space of my own. I can't restrict myself to doing one thing and doing it well, can I do everything, and still do them well?
I've become so argumentative about hypothetical relationships, about possibilities. Pessimistic on behalf of others. I've given up looking, to give myself an excuse? Or once bitten...? Am I self-sabotaging, or just insecure?
I dreamt of my own death last night, falling into the sea, accepting my fate, and whatever comes next... the darkness of oblivion. It was welcome in the dream, like a new adventure, an exploration of the great beyond.
Maybe I just miss the excitement of travelling, everyone is settling down, and dragging me with them. Can I afford a comfortable home life while still getting away? Definitely need to get that promotion. Need to get my head right, make a list and cross it off. A place of own? A space of my own. I can't restrict myself to doing one thing and doing it well, can I do everything, and still do them well?
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